More than 20 years passed before Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar’s wife and the mother of his children, Victoria Eugenia Henao, could gather the strength to speak openly about what it was like living alongside one of the world’s most dangerous men and how she faced her darkest days by his side. With her new book, Pablo Escobar: My Life and My Prison, the Colombian native tells her story, which she asserts has has helped her discover her own voice as a woman and mother. It has also served as a catharsis after years of silence due to her fear of being attacked.

Now, free from the hell she confessed she lived with under the leader of the cartel in Medellín, Victoria reveals how she met the drug dealer at the early age of 13, and how she idealized her life alongside him. Pablo’s widow opens up about dreams that were never fulfilled and that instead turned into real nightmares.

©The photos of the cover of the book 'Pablo Escobar: My Life and My Prison' (Ed. Península 2018)

“I chose this photo [for the cover of the book] because I liked it a lot. It was taken at the beginning of our relationship, since my childhood, my youth and my ingenuity. I was barely going to turn 14 and it’s a memory from that beginning. When it was taken I had no idea for what was coming. In that moment I dreamt with having a home, some children and to live in peace. It’s the same as when I see images from the book. It’s very hard because when I would take them I felt I had my home, that Pablo had a commitment with his kids, that he was staking for us to live in peace and unfortunately none of that happened,” she said in her interview with Tu Otro Diario.

Right around that time, Victoria was going through one of the worst experiences of her life – an abortion. The situation was distressing for such a young girl but because of her inexperience she didn’t question her paramour's decision to take her to an abortion doctor. “I was 14 and Pablo never told me what was happening. He took me with a lady and told me that was what I needed to do. I was scared to death and that’s where my trauma began. In that moment I became very submissive meanwhile he would put a spell on me and lock me in his cage,” she revealed.

Victoria confessed the public humiliation of her partner’s infidelities. All this took place while Pablo was committing some of the most atrocious acts against their own town. She admits this was one of the hardest chapters of her life to come to terms with.

“Everything was very hard. The subject of women is an absolute humiliation for me as a woman...I talk of the infidelities in a chapter because that was my daily life. I’m being sincere when talking about my life, my pains...and that also means that while living a terrorist attack, Pablo was also living with a mistress. Or imagine, me being six-and-a-half months pregnant, and for me to see across all newspapers that he was marrying someone else. It’s terrible, so I felt this couldn’t be left out from the book,” she said.

For this reason, Victoria hopes to empower anyone who is living a similar situation and invites them to break the chain of fear and humiliation. “I spent an entire life next to Pablo Escobar scared to death. Even with fear, one should have the anger to turn away from toxic relationships, to protect their children. That will enable one to become brave and strong,” she told Tu Otro Diario.

She has touched upon the subject of her children's relationship to their father, describing their eventual realization of the fullness of the toxic environment. “ My son was seven-years-old when we began to escape and my daughter was still in my belly. It was very hard to have a conversation back then. It wasn’t until Pablo’s death that I began to take baby steps and to converse with Sebastián (her son, Juan Pablo’s real name). I wasn’t able to speak to my daughter about this until years later and we’re still talking about it because it’s taken a lot to understand this story.”

Victoria has gathered enough strength to tell her story and asserted her desire to shut down rumors and take ownership of her words and actions. That's why she wrote My Life and My Prison.

©Cover of the book Pablo Escobar: My Life and My Prison' (Ed. Península 2018)'

“I have to deal with a 24-year process to be able to begin to find myself as a woman, with the mother of my family, to be able to find my voice, which I haven’t had for more than 35 years. I feel a responsibility to my kids. I don’t want them or my grandchildren to know the story of their grandmother and their mother through television series that are far from reality. That is why I wanted to be responsible for my story, in addition to the pain for Colombia. For its victims. Because it’s true that I have a moral responsibility and respect for them," she said.

And regarding whether she regrets being the wife of Pablo Escobar, Victoria had an ambivalent response. “It’s very hard to give an answer after knowing the different points of view. I met a man that was very different to what he ended up being. However, this story undoubtedly generates a lot of pain, a lot of sadness and a lot of embarrassment, this whole story of so much horror and so much horror lived by my country and that my children also went through,” she said.