While a lot of moms cherish their time being pregnant, using it as an opportunity to bond with their baby, no two experiences are the same. For Kim Kardashian, both pregnancies were a really bad experience.

During a recent appearance on Kristen Bell and Monica Padman’s podcast We Are Supported By, the 40-year-old mother of four opened up about the scrutiny she faced during her pregnancy with her now-8-year-old daughter, North West.

“I was not a good pregnant person. I was not a cute pregnant person. I did not like it,” Kardashian admitted on the podcast. “I hated it. I hated how I felt. I hate how I looked.”

She went on to say, “I was so used to seeing my mom pregnant, my sister pregnant and everyone looking so cute and having these easy deliveries and life was great and they snapped right back. That wasn’t me.”

She went on to talk about how the media “brutalized” her while she was carrying her first child.

“It was really, really crazy,” The Keeping Up With The Kardashians star added. “I don‘t think it would really fly today, but it killed my self-esteem. I can’t believe that this was acceptable and that this was okay.”

Because of everything the media was saying about her while pregnant, Kardashian said the experience left her feeling very insecure.

“I would sit at home and cry all the time,” she revealed.

“I had this condition called preeclampsia and I didn‘t know that I had it,” Kim continued. “It’s over-swelling in your feet and face. I had to deliver six weeks early with an emergency delivery and then I had another condition called Placenta accreta with both of my babies. It was insane.”

After giving birth of North, the reality star said she struggled with getting back to her goal weight.

“We didn’t have a gym or anything and I was too embarrassed to go to a gym because I didn’t want people to look at me trying to lose weight,” she said. “I gained 70 pounds. I would sit in my mom’s garage and it was literally probably 115 degrees in Calabasas in the summertime. I’d have my daughter in a stroller and I’d sit her in there and I would just workout in the garage and try to do anything I could until I did it.”

After North, Kardashian gave birth to Saint West, 5, before hiring surrogates for her younger children, Chicago, 3, and Psalm, 2.

While it wasn’t a positive experience, Kim does credit being in the public eye while pregnant changing how much she wanted to share with the world on social media.

“It really did change me and it made me really pull back on what I shared and just how much I wanted to give because I saw how nasty everyone was and it felt so bad,” she concluded.