Superstar Mariah Carey has a long awaited memoir coming out September 29th titled, The Meaning of Mariah Carey. The queen of Christmas sat down with Oprah Winfrey for the talk-show host‘s Apple TV+ series The Oprah Conversation to discuss her process and the stories inside. Memories that include her poor and humble beginnings in Long Island, being “mixed,” childhood trauma, and past relationships.

In July she explained on Twitter, “It took me a lifetime to have the courage and the clarity to write my memoir.” She continued. “I want to tell the story of the moments — the ups and downs, the triumphs and traumas, the debacles and the dreams, that contributed to the person I am today.”

Carey sat down with Winfrey for nearly an hour and in a clip obtained by Billboard, Winfrey asks, “What is the word you feel about this being released into the world?” adding, “Other than relieved?” Carey responds quickly- “Freer.” “Then that was worth it,” Winfrey says, “Because freedom is everything.” When asked if she is afraid to share some of the things she does in the book, Carey confidently responds, “Yes, but it’s not because I was worried about what they would think… It’s because I never would have spoken a word about anybody in my life -- and I try to be very fair -- but people have drawn first blood with me, historically.”

Carey explains to Winfrey that the toxic people in her life often treated her as an ATM with a wig on. “When there are people connected to you as a person that achieves a certain level of success, you are a target, you‘re vulnerable, but I wouldn’t have gone here if things hadn’t been done to me, if I hadn’t been dragged by certain people and treated as an ATM machine with a wig on,“ Carey says. “Like, all it is is [motions to make it rain] ... like, ’Let me get some money, and let me get some money no matter what.’” Winfrey shared a funny clip promoting the interview captioned, “I may not have known the words back then 🥴 but after 10 interviews together, I now know the FULL meaning of @mariahcarey. On this episode of @theoprahconversation, the world’s most fascinating star speaks her truth for the first time in her memoir #TheMeaningOfMariahCarey. We talk about the real meanings behind her songs, her famous marriages, and the lasting imprint her traumatic childhood has on her own life.”

One of the toxic people Carey discusses is her relationship with music executive Tommy Mottola who signed Carey to Sony after receiving her demo tape. He began to pursue Carey romantically which eventually led to their marriage. His controlling and violent behavior is detailed more than ever. Carey told Winfrey, “I did feel like I was held captive in that relationship” and recounted his constant surveillance, armed guards, abuse, and control. She recounts in the book an incident when he held a butter knife to her face in front of a group of guests at their home after she tried to break things off. Carey told Winfrey she found the courage to get herself out of the situation after meeting Derek Jeter who showed her things could be different.

Winfrey’s interview with Carey premieres Thursday (Sept. 24) at midnight ET on Apple TV+.