Dating is exciting, but also nerve-wracking, and now as a bonus, you have to deal with the highly infectious coronavirus, and keep your flirting game virtual —literally! Luckily, you still can find love in the middle of a pandemic. Whether you are looking for ways to build up your confidence and gain the tools you need to find success in the “new normal” of dating, or tips on how to talk politics with a potential match, professional matchmaker Spicy Mari shared with HOLA! USA, how to master every single date until you find the one.
As a Chispa’s relationship expert, Spicy Mari has a mission, encourage singles and couples to communicate and connect more effectively by incorporating passion and adventure in their relationships. But how can we do that during this whole madness? According to her, it is absolutely possible. “I love this question because everybody’s kind of in this place of frustration where they are looking at it from the glass half empty versus I’m looking at it from the glass half full,” she says. “So, this is the perfect time for us to be redoing our profiles and giving makeovers to ourselves with new photos, rewriting our bio asking our friends if this is a bio that you would be attracted to.”
Naturally, Spicy Mari suggests writing something spicy in your bio. “You want to put something that makes you unique,” she told HOLA! USA. “Put something in your bio that is interesting, that people would never guess about you.” Mari, which in addition to her partnership with Chispa, is also the founder of The Spicy Life, a relationship consulting firm, and the host of the Spicy Life Podcast, recommend to share facts and activities about yourself, so your match can “envision themselves” doing those activities with you. Her ultimate advice is to let everyone know your intentions. “You also want to put in there, what you’re looking for, don’t be afraid to say ‘I’m on here for something a little bit more serious.’”
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A no-no of online dating is being a “negative Nancy.” The matchmaker said that a disagreeably pessimistic person would repel a potential match. “I have seen people put inside of their dating profiles bad experiences,” she revealed. “[Things] like don‘t talk to me if you have x y and z. Don’t talk to me if you go out on a date here with every single girl or with every single guy.” Mari says you should never give people reasons to not talk to you versus reasons to speak with you. “Don’t put anything negative in your bio. That’s going to push someone away, or that remains as if you’re not a happy person, your bio should sound like you are enjoying life, and you should be enjoying life. You should be enjoying dating. You should be looking forward to the experiences and making more friendships, if anything, even if it doesn’t turn out to be a romantic interest, make friends along the way. We should be looking at it [as a way to] improve on our relationship-building skills,” she added.
The expert also said the best part of online dating is that instead of swiping your card to buy a new outfit or pay for the food and drinks, you are just swiping to find your options. “[This is an opportunity] right now to even save money,” she said.
Now that you have your bio (with no misspell — or love spells) is time to focus on your profile picture. “I‘m going to suggest for your main profile photo to be more zoomed in,” she said. “It should be chest up, with a great photo face and smiling. It doesn’t need to be overdone; it doesn’t need to be professional. You want someone to feel the energy of your smile, and it automatically sends the message that you’re happy.”
To accompany your bright smile, you need a bold outfit, and Spicy Mari recommends wearing a colorful top. “Whether you‘re a guy or a girl, make sure that you have some colors in your shirt,” she said, adding that this “tells us how to feel; it controls our energy.” According to the expert, people who tend to wear red in the photos get swiped on more “because it makes the [other] person feel the passion.” Contrary to red, she says that if you’re wearing black, “you’re less likely because it’s making us feel the energy of color black. So, it really does affect mood, and you want something that makes you pop.”
The next step is to project your confidence beyond your photos. Besides making sure always to be smiling or smeyesing — shout out to Tyra Banks — making eye contact is also essential. “That always looks confident when you make eye contact, even if I have a mask on. That gives off the energy of approachability, ‘come up to me, come speak to me,’” she said.
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Masks are used to protect you from illness (COVID-19) Masks are used to hide your identity from society (heroes and villains) Masks are used to create the element of mystery and suspense during the holidays or parties (Halloween and balls) Masks are used to provide oxygen for breathing (deep sea diving or airplanes) You get the point! Masks are used for a lot of ish! But when it comes to relationships, masks don’t serve you! You are hiding your authentic self because you are afraid that if you speak your true thoughts, desires of your heart, or behave naturally that you will be rejected. We all have a need for safety and acceptance. Let help me help you take the mask off with others so that you can actually attract a partner who loves you and not a partner who loves the masked version of you. #maskoff #thespicylife #relationshipgoals #relationshipexpert #matchmaker @spicyfergi thank for sending me this amazing spicy hero mask. Thank you @Cdsuneek for this custom creation and @spicymamahotsauce for the mask inspo.
Another confidence move is making the first move! According to Mari, it is lovely to initiate the conversation, but there‘s the right way to do it. “Instead of the typical like ‘Hi, how are you,’ we need to compliment them automatically,” she suggests. By writing things like “You look like a confident person from your photos” or “What makes you so happy? You look like you have an amazing life. Where do you get your energy from? What brings you joy?” shows you’re taking the initiative, but it also makes them share their emotions. The matchmaker added that this is a great way to build intimacy.
Once both of you decide that you want to make the next move and meet in person — of course, after doing your COVID-19 test and the result is negative — it is excellent if you’re going to bring a little present to the date. “I remember everybody used to present roses,” recalls Mari, adding that it’s like a shocker nowadays. “I would definitely suggest coming with something sweet, even something that the person mentioned. If they told you that they love Twix candy bars, showed up with the Twix candy bar.
Spicy Mari concluded by inviting everyone to join the first and number one dating app for the Latinx community. According to her, Chispa allows you to connect based on similar values, similar cultures, similar upbringings.
Happy swiping! And don’t forget to delete your dating app once you find your match.